Coping with Mum Guilt: You Are Enough!

Have you ever tried to take a nap while your child plays in the living room, only to feel like you should be out there playing with them instead? Have you ever felt guilty about leaving your child at a childcare centre while you go to work, even though it’s necessary? Do you sometimes feel inadequate when you see other mums seemingly always having perfect, calm interactions with their children? If you answered yes to any of these questions, then what you might be experiencing is ‘mum guilt.’

Mum guilt is a form of self-blame, self-doubt and guilt that mothers feel when they perceive their actions are not meeting societal and personal expectations as a mother.

A mother should breastfeed. A mother should always be present. A mother should never rely on screen time for a break. A mother should not leave her child with another caretaker to take time for herself. These rigid and often unrealistic expectations place unnecessary pressure on mothers, making them feel like they are not doing enough.

Overcoming Mum Guilt

While mum guilt may feel overwhelming at times, there are strategies to manage and reduce these feelings:

1. Challenge Unrealistic Expectations

No mother is perfect, and that’s okay. Striving for perfection only leads to stress and burnout. Accept that you are doing your best with the resources and knowledge you have.

2. Prioritise Your Well-Being

Taking care of yourself is just as important as taking care of your child. A well-rested and happy mother is better equipped to provide love and care. You have to care for yourself to be able to care for others. Remember, you cannot pour from an empty cup.

3. Focus on Quality Not Quantity

You don’t have to spend every waking moment with your child to be a good mother. Meaningful, quality interactions are more impactful than constant presence. Sometimes, allowing your child to engage in independent play can be more beneficial than always trying to teach them the "right" way to do things.

4. Social Media is not the Measure of a Good Mother

Social media often portrays an unrealistic version of motherhood, hiding the struggles behind the scenes. It’s easy to feel inadequate when scrolling through perfectly curated images of happy families, clean homes, and seemingly effortless parenting. But what we see online is just a highlight reel, often masking the real struggles and challenges behind the scenes. Remember, social media is not the full picture, and no one has it all together all the time.

5. Stop Comparing Yourself to Others

“Comparison is the thief of joy.” – Theodore Roosevelt. It’s natural to compare yourself to others, but it can be damaging when it makes you feel like you’re not enough. You may find yourself comparing your parenting style, your child's development or how much you accomplish in a day with other mothers around you. Every mother’s journey is different, and no two families are the same. Instead of comparing, focus on what works best for you and your child. Celebrate your own victories, no matter how small they may seem.

6. Seek Support

Talk to other mums, trusted friends or family members. Joining a support group, attending parenting workshops or seeking professional guidance can also help you navigate feelings of guilt. If you have a partner, involve them in your parenting journey. Express your feelings openly and discuss ways to share responsibilities, so you don’t carry all the weight alone.

7. Practice Self-Compassion

Be kind to yourself. Remind yourself that you are doing your best. Speak to yourself with kindness and acknowledge the efforts that you have put into being a good mother. Understand that flaws and limitations are part of being human. Allow yourself to be imperfect and embrace the learning process.

Mum guilt is a universal experience, but it should not overshadow the joy of motherhood. Your love, care and presence in your child’s life are what truly matters. Your child doesn’t need a perfect mother—they need a happy one. And always remember, you are enough!